Pappa wants mamma naked
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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