the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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