I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
