I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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