Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
