dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
