dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
