Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
