So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
