we have officially lost it.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
