were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
