You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Fuck appropriateness.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
