the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
