Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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