**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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