I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
