My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
