You're my little dorito
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
