Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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