You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
