i always forget guys have bellybuttons
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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