She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
