"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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