Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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