Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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