I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Never joke about your clitoris.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize