I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
