I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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