At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
