how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
