i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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