dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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