all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
