If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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