Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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