good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
