you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
