That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
