Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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