so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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