I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
