and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
