You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
