He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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