im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
