Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
