Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So many bounce houses so little time
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
