Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
