i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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