fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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