At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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