Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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