I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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