My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
